When Only the Best Will Do

From the moment he had taken the ice two years before, he was a natural. He had phenomenal balance, picked up new moves quickly, skated with confidence, and above all, was having a blast! That all changed when he was moved into an older-age lesson group this Fall. The class for the younger skaters, which had been a mix of boys and girls between 7 and 8 years old, was canceled due to insufficient enrollment. The physical differences between a seven year-old-boy and the 9 to 11 year-old girls were noticeable immediately. Ryan struggled to keep up and grew more and more frustrated as the weeks went by, until his declaration to quit following the last class. I was dismayed, not because of any hopes or dreams of Olympic competition or World-class skating, but because Ryan, a hopeless perfectionist, wanted to quit an activity he truly enjoyed because he was frustrated and disappointed in himself.

After much discussion, Patrick and I decided we would let Ryan quit ice skating… after he passed his current ISI skating level: Freestyle 1. If he truly wanted to quit after meeting with success, that was one thing, but if he was quitting now out of frustration at not being the best, that was another. As a long-suffering perfectionist myself, I understand how crippling the NEED to do well, to be the best, can be. I have on more than one occasion given up something I loved because I couldn’t meet my own, often unreasonable, standards. I didn’t want Ryan to start doing that at age seven!

Based on his scores from his last set of lessons, he was close to passing Freestyle 1, but still had several elements to master. At the recommendation of the rink manager, Ryan started private lessons, and then, once we were sure there was going to be a group lesson specifically for the seven and eight year olds, he agreed to take group lessons again as well. He has skated twice a week for the past couple of months, really working to master the elements of Freestyle 1, and a little over a week ago, he passed the ISI Freestyle 1 test! He positively beamed from ear to ear!

Tomorrow, at the urging of his private instructor, Ryan will be competing in his first ISI skating competition. He is skating a program at the Freestyle 1 level. This is called skating up, as usually one competes at a level passed within the last six months, not the last 6 days…. Ryan has worked hard to master his program elements, to memorize his program, and to adapt to last minute changes in routine, and I am hopeful that overall, this will be a positive experience for him. We have talked many times about the importance of working hard and trying one’s best, but for Ryan, one’s best too quickly translates into THE BEST!

As I sit here tonight, I am saying a little prayer for Ryan: for confidence, for smooth skating, and for a sense of satisfaction in a job well done, no matter the competition results. If you have a moment to join me, this Mother’s heart would truly appreciate a little prayer said on his behalf.

… As for Ryan’s skating future: he now says he is going to continue private lessons this summer… “but not the WHOLE summer!” and that he will start group lessons again “in the Fall!” Perfectionism cured? Not by a long shot… but maybe, just maybe, he is starting to learn an important lesson about hard work, determination, and hanging in through tough times….